So, now were in a time where a term for women empowerment has been turned into a negative. Hot girl summer has turned into Thot girl summer. The average man will say it’s because we are trying to be “hoes”, I say it’s because women are taking back their power. More women nowadays are embracing themselves and their ability to be more than just something to look at however, the culture of being a “hot girl” in the summer still impacts us in various ways when it comes to body image. Since we were young, we have been taught to be daddy’s little girls. We were complimented more on our looks than our intellect while men were praised for their strength and talents. As we moved up in age this objectification continued…and it’s led to some of the following….
- Appearance Anxiety
- Depression
- Sexual Dysfunction
- Eating Disorders
- Compulsive Behavior
So, what do we do? Exercise, get surgery, wear makeup, and take selfies. Men will often say we are narcissistic, *insert sexual expletive*, and attention whores all while sliding into dms, posting heart eyes, and managing expectations of how women are supposed to behave and/or look to be acceptable wife material. We believe the shit like it’s God’s word and measure our worthiness by a mixture of what men like and the mirror.
I was talking with a friend about Fenty Beauty and how Rihanna has made a monumental impact through her advertisement of plus size models for her lingerie line. We also hit on the diversity in her products from skin tone color to the plus size mannequins that she promotes and how it gives woman hope and encouragement through a lens that the world hasn’t always given women. This is not a Fenty ad or anything but the conversation just went with what I’m trying to say here. We are all summertime fine, and body image and pressure to look a certain way is an issue among humans but I’m here for the women because even in 2019 we still struggle.
We all have something that we’re insecure about on our bodies. For me (and I know some of y’all are going to give me the extreme eye roll) I grew up with the “skinny” insecurity. From the moment my 7th grade boyfriend broke up with me because I didn’t fill out my tops and then moving on to someone with more “assets”, to going through an ex’s phone and seeing him talk to a friend about how he wanted a “meaty bitch” I have struggled. My mother would unintentionally tell people that I was small every time we were in a group setting and still to this day my grandmother will comment on my size while offering an extra biscuit at the table. I believe that all of it is attached to a mixture of patriarchy and taught behaviors all derived from an idea of how the ideal woman is supposed to be.
Here is the real deal though, there are meaty bitches that want to be skinny, and skinny bitches that want to be meaty. We all have these physical attributes about us that get into our psyche. There was a research paper on Objectification Theory in 1997 that broke this shit down. It went as far back as evolutionary theory to discuss how physical attraction indirectly signaled reproductive value in women in the age of homo-(insert evolutionary species). Also, it talked about a study in teens which showed that young men notice breasts and assess sexuality and worth solely based on that. This is where the shit starts yall!!
I watched an interview recently on an IG live that featured a true girl boss. She embodies this idea of really not catering to pleasing a patriarchal view while really owning every aspect of being an unapologetic beautiful and SUCCESSFUL woman in today’s society. The major thing that stuck out to me was how the men kept directing the conversation towards her sexuality. In what I personally feel like is a great experiment to show how men have entitled sex goggles, she was eating a popsicle and had some under-boob out. Despite anything and everything that she spoke about her intelligence and accomplishments as a woman, all they kept doing was talking about this popsicle and completely moving over the substantial shit she discussed.
Despite it all she killed it. Her openness, confidence, and willingness to own every aspect of the interview from discussions on age, cosmetic surgery, use of filters, and her relationships, was what we need. I say that not because it is for men, but it is for us to live in freedom away from those cultural ideas of how women should be viewed. Yet the culture just wont let us live!
Nah…You Sit Down
A popular rapper (and a favorite of mine) got into some trouble with the feminist community when he released his single “Be Humble” and he said on the second verse…
I’m so fucking sick and tired of the photo shop, Show something natural like Afro Fro on Richard Pryor, Show me something natural like ass with some stretch marks, Still take you down right on your mama couch in polo socks
These lyrics are weirdly trying to promote self-love while also in the opinion of myself persuading women to shy away from getting cosmetic surgery to feel better about themselves and to be worthy of getting sexual attention on mom’s couch. But really its just toxic and the opinions of men really have historically altered the way women feel about themselves. From pre to present social media days. Music, magazines, Ads, even Barbies and mannequins contribute to this unrealistic standard of how we are supposed to look. In turn, we cater to the culture.
An example….
Men talk about how they love a big ass in a rap song and women feel as if they need to go get the shots or implants for the attention of men. Then when men are tired of the fake ass, they rap about how they want a natural woman. Then women get on the natural movement to become “wifey” worthy and even start putting other women down that make choices of their oppose. Now women are putting other women down with the men. It’s just been an unfortunate cyclical trend.
Can we tell the culture to kick rocks please?!
Self-Love “Womp Womp”
This is not one of those reads where I’m going to preach self-love as some quick fucking fix, in fact, one of my favorites Marianne Williamson said sometimes “self-love is disguised as self-hatred”. We get so caught up in the idea of self-love that sometimes it manifests into a negative thing when we don’t realize that we are human beings with real human problems. I’m writing this because I believe there is no ideal woman and I also believe in doing what the fuck makes YOU happy.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t until I began to develop more love for myself that I became more comfortable with my size but look here…I still struggle sometimes. We all look at ourselves in the mirror naked and say I need a few extra crunches or to cut back on carbs. Also, what about my fellow mothers!? We all know that after we give our beautiful blessings the nourishments they need, our boobs deflate like balloons and never truly go back to how they used to be. Now they cross over each other, swing a little lower, and a side boob?! Forget about it. And the same applies for some of our bellies…balloon, with scars popularly known as stretch marks or tiger stripes. Some shed their baby weight and snap back and for some of us it’s not that easy. It can be hard!
The importance of doing it for YOU
I think the message is not to do anything for anyone and anything but ourselves. Not for a partner, not for socials, not for validation, not because of peer pressure, and not to fit into a mold to feel worthy for anyone but YOU. Now, I am a health nerd at heart. There is a line between health and body and I always encourage eating your damn veggies and taking the stairs sometimes. However, “Hot Girl” has no size if you want be hot girl ready this summer or anytime of the year, it should be because it makes YOU feel good, that’s healthy. If you want to do this by exercising or cosmetically, it’s emotionally healthy when you’re doing it YOU.
Shit to try…
- Mirror time: Tell yourself you “look like bae (this has actually been proven to be helpful to do this for 10 minutes in the mirror as vain as it may sound)
- Naked/Underwear Dancing: Twerking encouraged
- Get Dolled up: Makeup and Hair (and no you don’t have to go anywhere)
- Issa Photoshoot: Grab a friend or a photographer and take pictures. Do Boudoir
- Pole class: Trust me you feel like a million bucks and get a good workout in which does release endorphins that make us feel great.
- Stay away from assholes that make you feel like you are anything short of a goddess
If you don’t want to do any of the above don’t let anyone tell you that you are unworthy.
So, to close this rant up…
All of us are hot girls this summer. I know friends with makeup, filter, procedures, exercise, and friends that are natural. I know women that are plus size and women that are skinny. I’m yelling “aye” on the dance floor when twerking of any form commences and complimenting it all. Take your power back, take your selfies, fuck appeasing the male gaze, and do it all in the name of YOU. Out of the billions of other humans in the world we will have friends and lovers that will love and appreciate us just the same and we are still smart and successful.
TLC said stop letting everything make you feel so damn unpretty…I say some days as a human being feeling unpretty happens!!! Just be sure that any and all feelings of unpretty are not guided by external factors and comparison. Rihanna knew we were all bad asses when she made her line of makeup and lingerie. I believe she is doing the opposite of what some modern media does by encouraging women by saying that your size and color is what makes you YOU and that’s what really fucking matters.
Budd Boetticher a famous film director from way way back in the day said something that was interesting and also disturbing to me because it oddly still applies to the way women are viewed today in media.
What counts is what the heroine provokes, or rather what she represents. She is the one, or rather the love or fear she inspires in the hero, or else the concern he feels for her, who makes him act the way he does. In herself, the woman has not the slightest importance.
You are fucking important. You are not a trophy, or here for anyone but you. We are all summertime fine. Own that shit. #hotgirlsummer
